A Spiritual Practice of Remembrance

By Nancy Parisee

All Saints’ Day, November 1, is an annual reminder to remember, honor, and celebrate the dead. Today, this ancient observance is overshadowed by Halloween, originally recognized as the eve of All Saints’ Day, is now a time of costumes, candy, and trick-or-treating. Yet the ritual of consciously remembering loved ones who have passed is an important spiritual practice in all of our lives. It brings death into the context of our daily experience and reminds us that dying is not the end.

When I think back on my relationships with family who have died, I carry something to remember each one of them. My father, Jean Moulder, was an avid model railroad enthusiast. Every time I see a train, I have warm and loving memories of how my father, in his train room, would become a little boy again as he ran the trains through the cities and towns that were set around his railroad tracks.

My grandmother Ethel, who was born in England, instilled her love for family in me. After Grandma Ethel died, I found boxes of photos with names and dates on them. They were family members in England who had passed long ago. From her photos and stories of a family an ocean away, a passion for genealogy grew in me, as well as a desire to bring to life the memories and names of those family members who have been long forgotten. By becoming the “keeper of time” for my family, those loved ones who are gone will continue to live on in the hearts of our family for many years to come.

The person I think the most of on All Saints’ Day is Ryan. God called Ryan to Heaven at the age of twenty, which in my mind was just too early. I think of Ryan when an old episode of Star Trek appears on TV or when there is a particularly starry night. Ryan loved anything to do with space or astronomy. On many clear nights, I look into the sky and wonder…is Ryan up there traveling from star to star as an angel, or is he sitting in Heaven looking over us from his warm and loving place with God and his family. In my mind, saints don’t have to be someone who had saved many lives, been a hierarchy in the church, or had done great worldly deeds. A saint is a person who has given love, made a positive difference in someone’s life and left us all with blessings today, due to their life on earth yesterday. Ryan is my son, and on this day, and every day, he is a saint in my life. He will forever be remembered and cherished on All Saints’ Day.

Common triggers to memory are a favorite song, a particular recipe, a certain type of weather, a special fragrance, or a piece of jewelry. Each can create a feeling of connection beyond the grave. Many religions and cultures remember the dead on the anniversary of the death. Since that date may evoke painful memories, some prefer to remember their departed loved ones on his or her birthday. Here are a few meaningful practices to remember those who have passed before us.

– Light a candle. Choose a candle in a color that reminds you of the person. As you light it, say a prayer of thanks to God for your memories of this loved one. As you pause from your daily tasks, see the flickering flame, and recall the blessing this person was in your life.

– Make a donation. One way to honor the connection felt for someone who has died is to donate to a cause he or she supported. You might send a check to a church, school, local service organization, or favorite charity.

– Find something to remember them by. The inspiration for this practice comes from the Bible’s account of Jesus' disciples on the road to Emmaus. A stranger, whom they did not recognize as Jesus until they stopped to eat and he broke the bread for their meal, joined them. They knew him in that act; it was something he had given them earlier to remember him.

This year on All Saints’ Day, make a list of your departed loved ones and find one act, one object, one gift that can be your remembrance for each of them as you go about your daily life in the year ahead. This simple spiritual practice becomes an expression of gratitude, wonder, and your continuing love.